Welcome Back, Stephanie!

It's true - I've decided to do a post after a long hiatus. I've been busy, you know!

Instead of flogging myself repetitively, let me just say that I was having a pretty bad time of it back in February. I'm on a better path now, feeling better and trying to be a little nicer to myself overall. So no flogging and self-destructive talk right now. See how fucking positive I am?! (God will forgive that little slip up there, I am sure of it - I'm healing my blackened heart, after all...)

I recently celebrated my 40th birthday and it was a blast. We had good food, karaoke, "vintage" candies (I almost died when I discovered that hot tamales were considered a vintage candy) and just a really great time all around. My very best friend of 30 years came out to join in the fun. It was so wonderful to see her and to know that I still have such a great friend in her. I am also thrilled to be on the "recovery path" with her - we are both doing well, despite being off the "candy," as we call it. (Those of you who are my people know what I'm talkin' about).

I hope everyone in my little blog world is doing good. I will stop by to see all of my "girls," (that's you, Missie). As for my weight, well - it's high, but I feel good. I am just working on trying to appreciate my body for what it is and what it can do. So it is a little lumpy - feh, who cares?! I have been doing the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD and so far, I really like it. I also got Jillian's book, Winning By Losing. It is really good so far - very straight forward, just like her.

Well, I have to go prepare for a City Council meeting. The fun never stops here at Stephanie's place. Oh, and here is a new pic of me - Steph at 40. I wish I was wearing lipstick but it's not a bad photo. I am glad to see that I am free of the forehead lines, although those crow's feet could probably pick up and carry a few large tree limbs. Whoops - there I go being negative. What I meant to say was is, "DAMN, I AM ONE HOT MAMA!" Much better...

Evening Madness...Thoughts on Food and Toddlers

I always get really "munchy" when we get home from work. It doesn't matter if I am not actually hungry - I just have the urge to graze on whatever happens to be on hand. I think it is just the combination of being tired, relieved to be home and comfortable, the stress of a three year old (his latest thing is "I HATE you, Mama...Go 'way!") and just trying to figure out what to do for the next several hours other than eating several pounds of food.

I am reading novels - that is somewhat helpful but I don't like reading until the kid is in bed - I just can't justify ignoring him for the little bit of time I get to see him in the evening. Well, actually, I CAN justify it, at least for 10 or 15 minutes, especially on the nights when I put him to bed and end up spending almost two hours trying to get him to shut his little pie hole and go to sleep.

The issues of disciplining a three year old are so...confusing (now that we're on the subject). I've definitely discovered that trying to yell louder than him or whacking his bottom isn't terribly effective. Sticking my tongue out back at him isn't so helpful, either. I mean, seriously, I do not lie when I say that I have done these things - I get so damned childish sometimes I can't believe I am almost 40!! If anyone has any suggestions for learning good discipline skills, I would love to hear them (c'mon, Missie, my only occasional guest - you must know of SOMETHING I can do). My mother-in-law recommended Dr. Dobson and I've looked a little at a book called Positive Discipline - Man, I need something FAST. Before I lose my mind!

Um, so - back to my original complaint - tonight I budgeted points for a snack and a WW ice cream - that is the best bet, really, to PLAN for the snacking and just eat a little less during the day. I like the new WW deal of using the weekly points first and then moving to the AP's. Ultimately, I will end up using less points because I won't be tempted to "blow" my 35 on a bingey day (like a Saturday, where I eat "what I want" and likely inhale at least 135 points, not 35) and then use the AP's on a daily basis during the week. We'll see how it works.

I am down today to 159.8. It is good to be back in the 150's, despite the fact that it's only by .2. I started at 163.6 so - I guess I've lost my water now! Am going skiing this weekend and hopefully next weekend so yay - those are 1000 calorie burn days so I should lose some pounds over the next couple of weeks, for sure. Good - I need to fit back into all of my pants and throw away these ugly old mom jeans I bought to "hold me over." Straight into the maternity box with you, I say!